Validation - My Favorite Drug

Largely, the need for validation is perceived as something negative. If you’re looking for validation, it seems to imply that you’re dependent on the affirmation of others. And it’s true, we’ve all been there! 🥴😄 We have wanted to please others so badly, we totally lost sight of our own needs and values. We’ve tried to live up to others’ expectations, completely forgetting what was important to us. We have poured our time and energy into projects that would hopefully bring us some acknowledgement, ending up frustrated because, at last, no one applauded. 

Our desire to be seen, heard, taken seriously, validated, acknowledged, or recognized is real. And let me tell you something: If this desire gets NO or the WRONG kind of attention, it can become our personal slave driver! 😩😬 HOWEVER, the very good news is that this is NOT the whole story. ❤️☀️💯 BECAUSE as soon as we start to validate validation as a basic human need and give it the RIGHT attention, it becomes an incredibly positive force in our lives. The KEY is, therefore, to deal with VALIDATION in the RIGHT way, so it enhances us instead of exhausting our hope and energy levels. 

I have to say that I personally LOVE validation. I’d even say that I THRIVE on it! Does this mean I suffer from approval addiction? I might! 🤪😄 But let me explain.

Addiction is not a bad thing per se. We’re ALL addicted to love, for example. Human beings simply cannot live without affection. Have you ever heard about the experiment by Emperor Frederick II of Hohenstaufen in the Middle Ages in which babies were fed but never talked to or given any other kind of attention or cuddle? The consequence was disastrous as all the children supposedly died. Similar trials have been undertaken since, always resulting in either death or severe developmental disorders. 😮

I’d like to go one step further and argue that validation is one form of love that we need and depend on in order to develop and function healthily. To be loved means to experience affection towards oneself. It includes attention and cuddles - both physically and emotionally. Validation truly can be considered an expression of love that we ALL depend on.

Now, we’ve come to assume that outside validation is essential for wholesome maturation in infants, but how about adults? Are we still dependent on attention and approval from the people around us? Think about your personal experience with this for a moment. Are you discouraged (or maybe even scared) when you don’t get any likes on your newest post? Do you feel sick at heart when you’ve given your very best for an exam, but your hard work isn’t confirmed by your grades? Are you shaken by anger or insecurity when you have to do certain things all by yourself, not receiving any outside approval, be it by a co-worker or your partner? 

If this is you - I SO UNDERSTAND! 😄😍 This can be so frustrating! But don’t be mistaken, while you were dependent on OUTSIDE validation as a child, you now have a different starting point. As an adult, you have become dependent on INSIDE validation for healthy development! Without self-validation we won’t get far in this life. 🥴 A lack of INSIDE validation will prevent us from living the best and happiest version of ourselves. The constant drive to please others, to perform and to perfect, will use up our precious energy we could otherwise invest in realising our dreams. ❤️

Now, what does INSIDE validation look like? I’m glad you asked! 🤪 Self-validation means that we can give ourselves the applause, approval or acceptance we so long to receive from others. When we finally STOP denying our prime human need for love and validation and START affirming it as an amazing, valuable, healthy and God-given need, so much can turn around for our benefit! 

Instead of trying suuuuper hard to find new ways to be acknowledged by our fellow human beings, let’s get suuuuper creative on a whole different level! Let’s start to look on the INTERIOR for answers, asking ourselves some very simple but powerful questions. I’m telling you, engaging these questions with an open mind can change your life forever: 

❤️ How can I take responsibility for my desire to be approved of and confirmed?

❤️ How can I affirm and validate myself in a very practical way today? 

❤️ How can I meet myself with acceptance in any situation? 

Once, I found practical ways to VALIDATE myself, my HUGE fear of other people’s judgement lost its power over me. Step by step, I’ve become more and more independent of the opinion of others. After all, I have an opinion about myself! 😄 (And it finally is a good one!)

I can’t say that I never care about what others think of me anymore or that I never long for exterior recognition, but you know what? Outside validation has become the icing on the cake rather than the flour and eggs that are needed to even bake the cake!!! 😍😄 As soon as I realize that I’m about to walk right into the trap of desperately needing outside affirmation, I simply stop for a second and remind myself that the other person is NOT responsible for the fulfillment of my need for validation. And seriously, sometimes that sucks! 🤪 Wouldn’t it be sooo nice to have someone else take care of our needs? But oh, the freedom that comes with self-validation! I’ve found it to be super empowering that I am the only one who can take care of my personal desire for approval. In these moments I consciously recall that I am validated in the heavens. And when the heavens validate me, I surely can validate myself too!!! 😍💯💃🏻 And so can you. ❤️😊💯

In my next blog post I’ll share some very practical tools on how we can validate ourselves. Be sure to subscribe NOW 👇🏼👇🏼👇🏼 so that you don’t miss out on life-changing content! 🤗