Practical Self-Validation
Today is the perfect day to write this blog, because I don’t feel like it at all! 😆 I’m distracted by thoughts around an event from last night where I did NOT feel taken seriously, appreciated, seen or heard by someone. To be honest, I had big hopes in that person to give me some applause and outside validation. But it JUST didn’t happen! 🙈 And yes, it was painful. It hurt. I even cried afterwards. And when I think back to last week, I was in a similar situation as well. 🥴 I felt strong and invincible when someone came around the corner, sneering at my position and ideas. Well, what can I say? It seems like I am REALLY well prepared for this blog post! Because practical self-validation is needed the MOST in situations when we don’t get approval from others.
Now the burning question is: What does practical self-validation look like in an opposing atmosphere? As I’ve had plenty of opportunities lately to practice self-validation, I’d like to share my way of dealing with it.
💃🏻 First of all, I’m honest with myself about my pain. Yes, it’s okay to be upset if something doesn’t turn out the way we expected. It’s not necessarily a nice feeling when we’re rejected. In most cases, my first impulse is NOT to jump up and down out of pure joy that I was dismissed by someone. And that’s normal! I remember a time a few years back when I would judge myself for having these negative feelings. I thought, as a Christian woman, I should be stronger. I should be turning the other cheek. I should be joyful about being tested. Now, as I’m writing this, I think that’s hilarious! Christian or not - we are human beings with feelings and we are not machines!!! Interestingly enough, today when I feel rejected by someone and accept the pain around it, the joy DOES actually come at some point. I can feel myself rising up, I can feel how I’m strengthened from the inside, and I can feel how I overcome the pain step by step. If I fight the hurt from the very beginning, I actually pour more oil into the fire. This gives energy to the pain and makes it bigger and bigger and bigger.
I can’t stress this enough: We canNOT get past the pain if we try to fight it. The first step is ALWAYS to embrace ourselves with all the colors of our emotions. This is what God does. He doesn’t judge us or expect us to “not feel”. He’s there in the pain, He understands. AND He provides new thoughts and new perspectives on the situation that DO change our feelings at some point.
💃🏻 Secondly, I talk or write about my thoughts and feelings. I reflect on them with myself, with God, with my husband or with a friend. I personally need the instrument of language to sort my thoughts out, and THAT can be different for everyone. Some need to take a run to shake off the tensions or to think clearly. Others need to take a bath to calm down, while someone else might doodle, draw or paint to express their frustration.
💃🏻 Thirdly, I look for new perspectives. But that is ONLY possible when I’ve been willing to feel the pain, be honest about it and release it. If I didn’t allow myself this type of open reflection, I’d stay stuck. Let me tell you once more, suppressing feelings does not work. Releasing them is the only way to freedom.
💃🏻 At this point, I am ready to receive solutions and new viewpoints. I can see myself for who I am again, not wasting time by doubting myself another week, month or year because of the rejection I had just experienced. I can see more clearly what this situation wants to teach me. I begin to see the opportunities instead of the confusion and hurt. In the end, I can see the good in it and appreciate it as it taught me a very valuable lesson: Once again, I am reminded of my true worth and of who I really am in my core DESPITE my feelings or the actions and opinions of others.
Wow… I feel much better now. I’m serious! 😄 I started writing this blog post with a feeling of anger and sadness. Now, one hour later, I feel happy and free. ☀️💃🏻 This is what practical self-validation can do for us. I love it.
I hope you can also apply this to your own challenging situations. However, I am aware from my own experience that it was never enough to just read advice on how to deal with my emotions. It helped me in SOME ways, of course, but I never came to a place of sustainable peace and breakthrough. 🥴 I needed someone to take me by my hand and go deeper with me into the fabric of who I really was. That’s how real and lasting change happened in my life. ❤️ If you’re anything like me and need more help to dig into your thoughts and feelings as well, drop me a DM on insta @magdalena.nagel or contact me through the contact page of this website. Together, we can make YOUR change and breakthrough happen. 🌱☀️💯