The Prison of Self-Condemnation
Have you ever made a mistake and beaten yourself up for it afterwards? Have you ever said something in a conversation, later reproaching yourself for the words or the tone you used? Have you ever left a situation condemning yourself for the way you behaved around others?
Well, I know these situations super well! In my 37 years of living on this planet I’ve had my share of bad decisions, slips and falls. 🤪 The first 34 years of it, I was super hard on myself. I felt guilty for mistakes or seeming flaws for a long time after. Apparently, I thought that THIS was the only way to somehow break free from destructive behavior! After all, if I didn’t fight my weaknesses, they would become even stronger and they’d finally win, right?
Well, no. I was wrong. Terribly wrong! 🤣
Last year it finally dawned on me. I realized that self-accusation only REINFORCES what I’m trying to get rid of! Self-condemnation LITERALLY sets me up for MORE of the very behavior I’m intentionally trying to fight. Can you believe it?
Let me explain this by using a very practical example: Children. When children make a mistake and are harshly rebuked for it, they withdraw themselves emotionally. If the lecture is judgmental, they start to feel guilty and ashamed about themselves. These children become particularly insecure around the person who criticizes and reprimands them continually. As soon as they are in the same room with, let’s say, the bashing parent, they become nervous and deeply afraid of making another mistake. This nervosity leads to exactly that - more “mistakes”! (Many times, they’re not even mistakes but the kid and/or the bashing parent interpret them as such.).
Well, it’s the same for you! When you judge / condemn / slam / beat yourself up every time you make a mistake (or think you just did something majorly wrong), you get nervous around YOURSELF! 😮😮😮 And since you are with yourself 24/7, you carry this insecurity with you into every room and every situation.
It ultimately leads to you hiding your true and unique nature, serving everyone’s wishes, becoming a notorious perfectionist and people-pleaser, AND burying your very potential. Others may express this insecurity in different ways like in aggressive or rebellious behavior, never conforming to anybody. Either way, this terrible feeling of inadequacy brings us to a place where we don’t dare to BE OURSELVES anymore. It seems to be dangerous to BE OURSELVES. And again (I’m repeating myself here): When we live with the deep conviction of being “false” and “wrong”, not giving ourselves permission to BE OURSELVES - this automatically produces insecure behavior, resulting in more “mistakes”, (inner and outer) conflicts, and strife.
So, what’s the solution? Well, there are a few steps to be taken in order to experience freedom from self-condemnation. And I’m telling you - the journey is more than worth it!!! 😍💯😄💃🏻 You start to feel safer, more content and confident in expressing who you TRULY are. Things can’t throw you off as easily anymore. The constant overthinking comes to an end. Your life becomes waaaay more relaxed. You break free from your inner prison and experience a new level of true joy and authenticity. I’m a living example that this is possible and soooooooo thankful to be. ❤️
But for now, let’s start with the very first step. The first step is acknowledging what is. And in the best case, acknowledging it without judgement. ❤️😉 We know from scientific evidence in the field of neuroplasticity that merely the act of OBSERVATION without JUDGMENT takes power from a (self-)destructive thought. Everything that is out in the open can be tackled AND CHANGED!!! 😍💯 Everything that stays hidden can riot freely in our system. So, be encouraged to not be scared of your own mind and thoughts!
I know that this sounds MAJORLY challenging and unimaginable for some of you: How can I see myself for who I am (or for what I think) and NOT judge myself for it? I never thought I could do it either and now I’m an expert in this! 😄 Yes, I was also intimidated and ruled by my negative self-talk for 34 years - and enough is enough! Today, when I make a mistake, I consciously choose to NOT judge myself. I choose to observe, to understand, to love myself. I come to a place of rest. It’s in this place of peace and rest where healthy development can happen.
Therefore, I’d like to motivate you to simply become an observer of yourself. A spectator. Start watching and perceiving what’s going on in this beautiful head of yours. Get to know your thoughts about yourself. And WHEN you notice fear, worries, self-rejection or harsh judgment, DECIDE to NOT beat yourself up for thinking negatively! Because, remember, all the beating up does NOT stop whatever you are trying to fight. It only reinforces it and adds fuel to the flames. 🔥
Now, off you go into observer mode! And if you ever feel overwhelmed with your thought life, feel free to contact me! You’re not alone in this journey. I’m here for you. 😊❤️